“Your nails are fuckin’ amazing.”

I knew she was talking to me, though compliments from strangers are usually reserved for my vibrant friend, Teresa, with whom I was sharing New Year’s brunch, and, who, was quite literally dressed in hot pink from head to toe.

“Your nails are fuckin’ amazing,” she repeated as straightforward as she had the first time.

“Oh, thanks!”

Thanks, because I had paid someone to detail these nails for me as opposed to doing them myself, so that I might garner some compliments that would encourage me to better my whole self: mind, body, and spirit, in the new year. Thanks, because positive affirmation was probably something Teresa and I both needed to hear coming off what was collectively known as a shitty 2016. A dumpster fire, according to many Tweeters and Buzzfeed beat writers.

“You’re a badass bitch. I declare today National Badass Bitch Day,” said our new friend.

Though this lady was drinking a glass bottle 0f Coca-Cola and doing so at a very inconspicuous pie place, I assumed she must be drunk. Her husband(?) was wearing flip flops on January 1st, so I assumed they were both drunk.

Regardless, as Teresa and I got up to leave, I felt that high that a woman can only feel after being complimented by another woman. A high that Teresa herself had filled my sails with after she asked me what the hell my problem was and when I was going to write again after giving me the gift of Lindy West’s Shrill which she suspected might inspire me. (She was right. Hi.)

I tried to find my 2016 New Years resolutions on this blog, but I couldn’t because I had failed monumentally at all of my 2015 New Years resolutions.

  1. Focus on my mental health. (LOL.)
  2. Figure out what I’m really passionate about and good at and make it a career. (Got a job at the mall.)
  3. Read and write more. (Wrote 14 blog posts over the past two years which did not included 2016 resolutions, and read even fewer books.)

I’ve been making Chinese New Year resolutions for the past few years because I’m lazy and because I want to steal other people’s resolutions. Waiting until the Chinese New Year bides me some time. Some years I make none at all because Why Wait Until The New Year To Change Your Life!! (That’s bullshit, by the way.)

Well in 2017 I have just one resolution, and that is to be the badass bitch the drunk lady at Lauretta Jean’s thinks I am. (I did NOT tell her that I don’t even like pie.)

2016 was actually a pretty great year for me, particularly coming off 2015, though I have had some hard conversations over the past 365 days. I was blatantly called out for losing my confidence, both by people who knew me well and by people who didn’t know me at all. It takes a lot of confidence to be as self-deprecating as I am, right??

But those people were absolutely right, even if I didn’t believe it myself.

This is an inherently female trait, as it happens. To convince yourself that you don’t deserve something you do deserve. It’s surely geographical, as well. Small town Iowa (small town anywhere) does not typically breed an army of confident women.

What do you deserve this year? A man’s respect? A raise?

Take it.

Don’t apologize for anything, either.

If you find yourself in a position to set an example, do.

Surround yourself with people that inspire you.

Take initiative.

Unfriend a relative on Facebook.

Pose for a selfie in public.

Genuinely compliment someone, and not because you expect anything in return.

Get up on a high horse because you will be 30 next year and think you have learned a lot of life lessons for some reason.

And read and write more, Kayla, Jesus Christ.

We can’t afford to lose the momentum we started in 2016, even if we didn’t reach our goals.

Be a badass bitch in 2017.