We already know I’m one of the most annoying people out there. I have a blog for God’s sake, and one with no niche at that and I can’t even post regularly or use commas like an adult and how annoying are people with “blogs,” amiright? Everyone has one. Omg.
A friend recently told me that all he knew about me were the things I hated, and really had no idea what I actually liked. Anyone else?
In that spirit, here are some words and phrases that I think people could stop using at any time now. Because I, and others around me (and I know because I asked), are annoyed by them and you should always do what other people say and we NEVER say anything that someone might find irritating.
1. All the feels
First of all, that’s not even correct, grammatically (full disclosure: I spelled grammatically wrong on the first try). Secondly, never have I watched or read something and felt every feeling during or after. My guilty pleasure when it comes to tender YouTube videos is veterans reuniting with their dogs after being deployed. I feel waves of emotions during those short clips, but here are just a handful of feelings that I have not felt while watching one: Angry. Resentful. Embarrassed. Offended. Provoked.
Until there is a video of a veteran eating a juicy bacon cheeseburger before his dog runs out to greet him (to make me feel resentful), who looks directly at the camera and says verbatim, “Kayla Chapin, you do not need to eat another cheeseburger,” (to make me feel embarrassed and subsequently offended) before a murderer comes out from behind a bush and stabs the vet and/or dog (to make me angry and provoked), then I probably won’t feel all the feels ever over anything.
I debated adding this one because I use it all the time. And even though I use it ironically, I still think it’s overused. I’m going to continue to use it, though, because obviously I’m not obligated to take my own advice. And um, how else could you respond to the news that Ja Rule and Ashanti are going on a reunion tour with Craig David other than #BLESSED??
3. Only in (insert city or state) (insert something that occurs in more than just that city or state)
Guys. You know those crazy shifts in weather that you think only happen in your state? Guess what. They happen everywhere to some degree. (I mean, probs global warming, but whatever.) It was pouring rain and the high was 59 in Portland yesterday, and it’s supposed to be 91 on Sunday. If this were Iowa (or Texas, or New Jersey, or what have you), we’d be saying, “OMGz the weather hahaha it’s so cray, only in IOWA!” Nah. It happens everywhere.
4. Keep Calm and Anything
I’ll tell you one thing. If I ever come across a Tinder profile with KCCO anywhere in it, it’s an automatic left-swipe. I don’t know what it means to “Chive On” but I think it has something to do with potato chips?
5. Food Porn
I get it. Food turns me on a lot more than a man does, but adding the word “porn” onto the end of something not at all sexual makes me feel super awkward and it’s getting out of hand (i.e. BIRD PORN??). It just plants this image in my head of some guy doing something highly inappropriate to or with my food, so I guess at least reserve this hashtag for when you’re Instagramming your Taco Bell?
In this case, I’m not saying you should stop using the word moist. I’m saying that if you’re an adult person and can’t handle hearing or reading “MOIST,” I’m going to frame you for a crime so you can go to jail and harden up a little because it’s time to put on your big girl/boy panties. I’d love to be able to describe a delicious cake without you flipping out and bringing a lot of negativity to an otherwise positive cake experience.
PANTIES. Now there’s a SICK word. Gross. Blech.
7. The struggle is real
My hangovers last at least one full day at a time now, even if I only had three beers, but at least I have running water and electricity (that I can almost pay for every month!).
Just be a little more cognizant of when and where and why and how you’re using these modern terms, wouldja? Let’s make up some new awful phrases that we can start using and get sick of in a few months. We can work together on this.
In the meantime, place your vote for which meal you would like me to make to kick of my 30 Before 30 Pinterest Challenge on Instagram. Voting ends whenever I decide to go to the store and buy the ingredients.