Any guess as to what a Butterfly Body Liner is?

It’s not as pretty and delicate as it sounds, I can tell you that.

I was intrigued to learn more about the Butterfly Body Liner when I heard an ad for it on the radio–some station out of Chicago we listen to at work. Frankly, I didn’t catch any of the ad except the last part…”Butterfly Body Liner, www.butterfly.com.”

Boy, was I in for a surprise…and a little bit of an education.

I did what any free-spirited and curious girl would do…I went to www.butterfly.com to check out the product! (Marketer’s dream.) It had to be something awesome, because only an awesome product would score such a sweet URL, hello.

Unfortunately, a Butterfly Body Liner isĀ not, like I had guessed, a cute piece of lingerie, nor, as I had hoped, an inexpensive piece of shape-wear more affordable than Spanx. Sad face.

I was greeted with this photo:

Introducing Butterfly

Oh. Well, what the hell is this? Some kind of feminine product? Gross face.

I still didn’t get it. It’s shaped like a butterfly, where’s the functionality there if it’s supposed to go in your underwear?

Reading further, I realized that wasn’t exactly the purpose…

DID. YOU. KNOW.

1 in 5 women over the age of 40 experience ABL? Do you know what ABL is? Of course you don’t, but don’t worry, I’ll tell you.

Accidental Bowel Leakage.

You’re welcome.

So now you’re probably wondering what’s with the butterfly shape? Don’t worry, I’m here to help you understand the intricacies of this product.

EVIDENTLY, you fold the butterfly in half and just stick it right in your ass crack! There is adhesive that keeps it in place and the larger wings go at the top for easy removal. It’s really a genius design and a genius name. BUTTerfly? Lolz.

“Janice,” 53 ,says, according to butterfly.com: “With Butterfly, I can feel more feminine. It made me feel pretty again.”

Three women smiling

(One of those women could very well be Janice.)

On a serious note, who knew about this? Is ABL a plague that will befall us in our old age? Not looking forward to THAT.

On an even more serious note, the first thing I thought about was all the little girls learning how to use the Internet for the first time going to butterfly.com, thinking they’re going to see some Lisa Frank shit. (whitehouse.com anyone?) Their moms are going to have to skip right through the period talk and give them the dirty deets of accidental bowel leakage.

I encourage you to visit the site, there is a How To Use tab that I think everyone will really enjoy.

I can’t talk about this anymore.

The end.

P.S. Opinions are my own.

P.P.S. I’m considering making Cool New Products a feature. If you know of any Cool New Products, please send them my way.